self-rule

Oleh kerana hari ini adalah Hari Kemerdekaan ke-49, saya telah membuat keputusan untuk blog menggunakan Bahasa Melayu. Walaubagaimanapun, saya agak teruk dalam BM. Harap maaf-lah.
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Sorry-lah, I can't possibly blog in BM. It's way to hard.
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It's independence day today. Happy National Day to all Malaysians out there.
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I haven't been blogging for quite some time.
Well, I woke up one day, realizing I have 2+ weeks to SPM trials.
I can't possibly flunk my science subjects (like i used to, all the time).
I need a good trial result to apply for college earlier.

Fuuuuiiihh,
I can't be reaching my parents expectations.
But, I'm positively sure that I can do better than 4 1As, 4 9Gs, 4 ??grades.

hey, we always pass failure on the way to success. Don't you?
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muahhahahahhaa.....

love is so definitely in the air ~~~~~~

oh well, I'm a bird with my single bird friends watching some of our bird pals who have found another single bird to fly with.
(ugghhh, I'm confusing myself)

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13 : 4-8
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Tata for now,
Basically, I've got too much to blog that I'm now so blank.
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hugs & kisses with love,
Julia Y. as in me.

good ol' her

I have a indeed very special friend here.
I can't possibly imagine what I would have become if she did not appear in my life.

One word to describe our relationship - W E I R D

Most of the time, I do the talking.
And she does the listening.

Other way round.

She does the talking, I do the listening.

Believe it or not.
She's the only person in my entire life that could make me shut up and listen.

Me and my dear friend here may seem to be two totally different people.

Hey, you don't have to think alike to love alike.

This 'good girl' here often have lotsa thoughts running about in her mind.

Some people once asked, wouldn't it a ''bored-ship'' (get it?)

She is WAY NOT boring, and never will be, to me, that is.

Oddly, she is the only one that I could stand not 8'ing.
She does every thing and feels how she feels, but I eventually just sit and wait until her heart is to be opened to me.
This is of course, because, she had been the one person, that sit there and wait till I pour out my hearts.

She has (indirectly) taught me that,
The time will come when our hearts are willing to let out,
If it hasn't, it will soon.
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I really do hope that one day, she will be able to let go from all the expectations of others. To do what she really likes without caring about what others think about. To strive for the dream that she has been longing for. And set free from the spellbind by the foolish outside people with wrong judgment on success.

Hey, remember,
Without school teachers, there will not be leaders of the world.
Without bus drivers, those who cant drive, cannot possibly go places.
Without the street sweepers, you and I would be living in a rubbish pile.
Without chefs, you'll get dead bored of your mom's cooking.
Without bakers, there will be no celebration as there are no cakes.
Indeed lawyers, engineers, doctors are important, but that does not mean other occupations are not.
Each and every field and sector are like pieces of puzzles that have to be joined together to complete a huge perfect picture.
Without you, the picture would be strange and uneven.
There will be a missing piece.

No matter what your future is to become,
Everyone of us plays our roles.
You are the same.

This is from some famous person, (I've forgotten who) :

I am only one; but still I am one.
I cannot do everything; but still I can do something.
I will not refuse to do the something I can do.
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Our basic respect towards each other.
Tolerating not knowing.

Sometimes, when we really honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we would often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, but have rather chosen to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
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There are many things money can't buy.
To me,
One thing's for sure.
One great hug from a friend.
Priceless.

it just came.

It's been ages since I've written poems.

This is the first and last poem I'll post.
I don't really like writing'em,
I like reading'em.
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Simple enough.
It just came like that.
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Confused.
I wonder around,
Trying to figure out,
Where these feelings had came from.

Jealousy? Hatred?
Admiration? Love?
Passion.
Or exaggeration.

Higher than the highest highs.
Lower than the lowest lows.

“ Self-esteem !
Where thou art gone? ”

You would hope to be YOU.
Yet, you are not able to.

Held back.

Hold on,
You’ll be fine.

An idiot.

You are!
Admit it!

You force yourself to get over.
FORGET!
The more you force yourself.
The more it is stuck in your head.

By the end of the day,
You give up.

You have fallen in.
Trapped.

pure abhorrence

I am on the whole freakin f'd up but some people.

Please don't mind me as I just want to blab my stupid tale here.
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I just don't get it!
Am I that ridiculous and insensible?

Uggghhh...

I feel like an idiotic dummy being played dreadful doll masters.
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One minute, you're the precious princess.
Next minute, you're being stamp to ground.
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Losing your temper causes a lot of trouble,
but staying calm settles arguments.
Proverbs 15:18
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I guess, I should stay cool and just let it be.

My dad always tells us that everything happens for a reason.
My sis says whatever you are being told to do have its reason.
My mom basically is the one who listens to my irrational view and accepts my naive thinking.
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Until my emotions are being balanced and soothed.
I am still in total hatred, offended and upset.
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p/s : pardon me, I feel foolish.

humble ? SO NOT !

Wednesday, no, Thursday.

3 more days until school re-opens.
I have not done a single homework, didn't search for the festival thingy, did not clean my room, instead, I made it messier than ever.

Basically, I have not done anything practical.
Just, spending my money shopping, eating, and having fun.
Ohhh yaa, and blogging.
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Had lotsa fun lately.
Doing stuffs a normal 17 would.

Bought myself some really nice stuffs. Took cute sticker photos. Tried out many different dresses. Karaoke with the gang. Went yc with my pals. and stuffs.
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Ok.

I am basically in a very blur situation as I don't really know what to do, what to say, what to think and what to respond.

Weird.

One things for sure.

I can't possibly work with people who are stuck-up and simply supercilious.
I guess poeple will freak out when others treat them nicely and will start to imagine of many many things.

Hmmnn...

Maybe it's right.

You gotta be cruel to be kind,
in the right measure.
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I do hope I can gather all my stage experience and do the best on the day.
Hopefully, one year of emceeing would help.

One great hug to those who have faith and confidence in me!
I won't let ya guys down
Most definitely,
I won't let myself drown and be one of the victims just like that.
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Hold on ya guys.

We may not be able to hold the best or even good-enough lantern festival.
But I am 100% (no-lah, 98%) sure, we have each other to lay our backs on after and through out the whole fest thingy.
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Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer
Don’t stop searching it’s not over...hold on
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GOSH man, I'm really in to this lyrics thingy lately.
I can't stop adding lyrics into my posts.
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'Egging' on,
Julia Y.

shuoot, i've just lost 51% of my guts !

hell no.

What has happened?

All of a sudden, I feel gray, hopeless, incompetent !

(hmmn, I guess it didn't happen 'all of a sudden')

I suppose it is time to get up from my own sweet dreams and realize that I'm living in a matter-of-fact a money-oriented, appearance judging and grades evaluating earth.

How great !

I hope the oh-so-clever minister's and world leaders would be tremendously pleased when every 5 out of 10 teenagers fly of skyscrapers every 24 hours.

The line from the Singaporean movie "I Not Stupid Too" popped up in my mine just in time.

We're not rotten apples !!!
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Sometimes,
I really wonder...

Am I stooopid or what?
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What-ever my teachers teach in class (except for English, Moral, PE, and easy stuffs),
I have NO CLUE what the heck they are saying.

It is like some alien invasion and some strange creatures speaking freakin unknown language.

I'm all okay with this. I mean, P-E-LEASE lah...
It comes in from the right, pooff, out from the left.

The problem is :

Fellow earthlings here, seems to be really connected to these.
Sometimes, it kinda makes me feel intimidated.
And makes me feel foolish.

p/s : don't know who 'earthlings' are, means you're stoooopid...
welcome to the gang. Free membership.

don't mind me, I'm becoming miss nutty yong soon.
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I know that I'm not dumb.
Gosh ! If I were, I won't be blogging here with loyal blog fans (aaaheermm, ;p) (although it's just a few of them) checking out my blogs on and off.

Just like some people who are super brilliant in school and life, rich and have good looks often claim themselves as people with so-called depression which obviously is what their evil inner has caused them to be.
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If I could I would hypnotize myself and make myself feel as if I'm invisible and wouldn't care much about what others think and say about me.

How I wish I could.
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Come on !
Face the fact !

How many of us can actually be so confident all the time?
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I believe that only we, ourselves can get us out of the situations like these.

Friends and families can be a major support system.
Yet, the problems is from mua, thus, it is me to overcome them.
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I know I will come back to the time where I will respect myself for being the not-so-smart girl who flunked all her science subjects, who does nothing but sit and sleep at home, and the one who is basically too selfish to give a damn on others.

Just that, I'm not sure when.
Ohh, I am actually admiring the pathetic me now for self-expressing.

Uggguuhh.

Excuse me please.

My 51% guts have been replaced by 51% of nuts.
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CRACKERS ! man !
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Life first.
Live life.
And don't you stop for anyone.

-Sabine, Rice Rhapsody-
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we are the same LAH....

Met up with RE and PQA on Saturday for lunch and some shopping.

Not to blow our trumpets, but we really caught lotsa attention.

Malaysia as a multi racial country, still would have little problems. Accept the fact.

Two Chinese and a Malay going out together. Wassup with that?

Many shop assistants were like asking me : "You're Chinese?"
and I go : "YA"... ( what do I look like?)

Some said I look Malay, and said Pqa look Chinese.
Ahha, RE should tan her skin, then, she'd look Indian.

Oh well, people might find it amusing that we hang around together.
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YAYA. This is something surprising.

There was this guy who was working in a shop that sells mostly guys shirt as pqa's wants to get something for her 'member'.

As we were looking around, the guy wanted to say something, he paused, then he spoke in BM pulak. (gosh man, I using too much of manglish)
After knowing that me & re are actually Chinese.
He spoke Cantonese to us.
Here's the great part..
He asked : " You're still schooling?", so, "you're SEVENTEEN?"

AAAAHHHAHAA...

Finally, someone thinks I'm 17.

Muahhahahahahaha.....
Too excited.
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We did what a typical seventeen would do.
And we took photo stickers as well.

My 1st ever photo stickers is when I was in Macau with my sis & uncle.
2nd time, with Re, Ad, & her ex.
3rd time, with SH, Angeline, Say Li, & Pqa.

(What an interesting teenage life)

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That's just all about it.
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Main point.

It's cool hanging out with friends from different races,
simply because,
We're just the same.

there she goes.

People say your friends and family resembles you.

If you hang out with a bunch of cool people means, you're cool?
Nerds? means you're pretty much nerdy?

I'd say that I can go around with what-so-ever kind of people.

from so-called 'cool clique' to studious nerds to the wacky HIIHIIHAAHAA group, friends who says less than 20 words a day (exaggerating lah) , not to forget, the gossipers as well.

Means, I'm every kind of those?
Hmmn...

We can be friends with anyone on earth.
But only those who are at the same 'channel' with you would link better, I guess.

Wait. I don't know what I'm saying about now.
Ohh. Crap.
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Ahhha....

Here's something worthy of note.
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Introducing Miss Chong.

I have known her since form 1.
Being called CAT CHONG since she's a cat lover.
Also my 'xiao mei'.

She is one weird person because since form 1 to form 3, she used to be very quite, always being the other side whenever we are discussing about some stuffs.

My friends said I made an affect on her as she became very good at criticizing and 'shooting'.
I would prefer to say that :
She has learnt the art of self-defense, errr... the verbalize way....
(not sure whether it's a good thing or not)

Well, at least,
she would not be bullied....

KekekKEKKKEKkkEKEEkkKE....
(just trying to defend myself too) ^^
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p/s : SH, you said you bought me my birthday present!!!!Where is it ????
KAKKKAKAkakKakakAK.....
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Here is something I tried out with using photobucket.
It's really very motivating doing stuffs like these.
Too bad, both my parents see eye to eye and consider that I'm just wasting my time and life.
Ugghhh...
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Check this out.
I'm still a beginner only, kay?
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my pal (CLICK HERE!)

As I was browsing through my CYA files, something caught my eyes.

There was this letter for me. Which is written :

Stated date : 5/6/05
So, I guess it is okay for me to share it now since it have been a year.

I burst into laughter as I read the letter.

My good ol' friend here is just hilarious !

She wrote a list of things to say to me when I was in Kuantan.
I am extraordinary proud of her.
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ATTENTION-GRABBING
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Dear Julia,
Hehehe. I'm a gal using pensil/pencil writting you a letter using special handwriting in English to you... Guess who I am ? I don't know you guess right or wrong, so I can't make a kesimpulan that you are clever or stupid. Hahahahaha ! OK, using pencil, writing nonsense in this "Bon Bon Cat" paper really sounds stupid. My letter lagi sound stupid.

.........

1. Hmnn. How are you?
..
.. (this is private and confidential)
..
..
16. My phone no money... so wrote letter. Stupid letter.
17. No need reply la. But REPLY la. Aiyo.. sukahati la. REPLY !!!
..
...
..
25. I so fan cause my surname's fan... Haha..
26. Nola, I so fan cause my dad's surname's fan.
27. Haha. Nola. ......
...
..
..
36. Why I so nonsense writing nonsense, huh?
...
..
..
41. Pls laugh.. HahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahHAHahHAHHahahahhahahahaha.
41.Why I so crazy ?
...
...
...
47. I better stop being nonsense.
48. Bye.
49. Take Care
50. Love Ya !
51. See You in K.L.
52. When are you coming back? Miss ya la !
53. Miss call me when you receive my letter... p/s...to know that it's safe.
54. Best friend 4eva !
...
56. Happy Always.
57. p/s : Wow ! So LONG !!!
...
59. p/s again... I watch so many TV and movie.
60. p/s again again.I learnt : Never believe the truth.but must believe what I wrote, its truth!
61. So stupid, nonsense inside, true nonsense...Hehe...
62.p/s : really last one...加油 with your work !!!
63. p/s : oh ! 1 more... You habis your work liao?!
64. p/s : Oh ! really one more, last.... Happy Holiday . :)

用心生活，
活出自我！
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This is my great pal.

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The one who I first knew on the first day of school.
The one who got me a coin bank. (CONFESSION : I accidentally drop it and it broke)
The one who drew me ugly cards on my birthday.
The one who bought me a very pretty coin purse.
(I guess, she really wants me to save money)
The one who place a bomb outside my door with a note : "DO NOT OPEN. IT'S A BOMB !)
The one who wrote me funny letters at times.
The one who I made cry many times.
The one who I quarrel with over 'sesame & green peas' stuffs.
The one who was so true to me.
The one who spend ALOT of time with me. Mainly wasting time.
The one who shared joys and sorrows with me.
The one who I always gossip around with.
The one who always waits for me to finish my food.
The one who wouldn't mind me blogging the letter she wrote to me on the world wide web. ;P
The one who would laugh at me. As I would laugh at her.
The one who made many bets with me.
The one who gone through the stage with me, when I was having my 1st major crush.
The one who always defended for me when I was misjudged.
The one who has many guys going after. (CLEVER GUYS)
The one who listens to my horrid singing.
The one who listens to what-ever crap I say.
The onw who would treat me yum cha.
The one who is decent lovely.
The one and only.
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Each and every friend of mine,
no matter they are close to me or not,
no matter they like me or absolutely abhor me.

Each and every one of them,
have left their footprints on my heart.

Without them,
I would not be me.
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p/s : i'll be on my way for the 2nd and 3rd 'biography' of yet 2 weird friends of mine.
Not forgetting, do
'Stay tune' for my 4th and last project. (this will be exciting)
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Cheers,
Julia Y.

the ban

As many of my classmate might know,

I'm on a ban towards fastfood.

Mainly, Macca's & KFC.

I came home yesterday, finding a box of Kentucky Fried Chicken on the dining table.

Oh boy I was tempted.

Thank good gracious that we were not having KFC's for dinner.
I'm only into the 2nd day of the ban !!!!!!

My mom offered the piece of chicken to me.
GOSH ! I nearly ate it...

I guess the angel in me won over the debate with the devil in me.
I actually said NO.

My parents were somehow stunt.

Still, my mom tried to lure me into eating'em.

They were somehow suspecting that I might be suffering under major self-dissatisfaction, depression or what-so-ever.

Indeed,
being surrounded by friends and families who appear with just the right body (at least, not as cubby as me) will definitely affect.
The feeling of not being notice of my existence or I should say 'being overlooked' is just not that nice.

I bear out : I'm banning fast food due to keep a healthy lifestyle and also considering my weight conditions.


Macca's and KFC's are just rubbish and junk food that cost you a not-so-reasonable price.
Not beneficial AT ALL.

I'd try my best to stop eating these fastfood.

If you'd like to join me in the anti-fastfood campaign.
Feel free to contact me.

p/s : the logo's above are not mend to offend which ever organization.
It is just for the fun of it as I experiment with adobe.
Please, don’t sue me…

Muahhahahahahaha.

back home.

In Kuantan for the weekend.

I went to the temple in the morning to see some things.

It is the hungry ghost festival now.
I heard my popo and uncle say that my kong is going for a tour around the world.

See this : It's actually a boat where all the spirits will travel with..

This is a somewhat court or something. I have no idea what is this for..

I wanted to take some pictures of the 'cow head & horse face' 牛头马脸 and a black and a white thing that has very long tongue.

But, my popo says I'll make the spirits angry. So, better not play play.

Hmmn... I hope the spirits don't get angry of me blogging this.
Errrmm... I'm just sharing some traditional knowledge with others.

There were some other ceremonies going on, but I decided to watch Korean movie.
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Later on, I went to my aunt's house.

Some idiot stole my new and pretty Etnies flip-flop's.
I love those slippers.
So sad, why would people steal slippers.

Ugghhh.
I hope that stupid person will trip and fall wearing'em.

I'm so bad. Not as bad as them.
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Nico is here.

He is just such a minimalist.

He wears the same shoe, same pants, and same slippers all the time.

Thanks so much for the ang mo, I have wireless broadband at home...!!!

Wooooohoooo..

No more internet line snatching.
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That's almost all about it.

I have to do my bio homework before I get pinched by the teacher like last week.

being 17, a bliss?

As much as I try to taste the blissful life of being 17,
the more wretchedness there is.

Of course, there's my major exams.
Then, there's problems with the families.
And, never the less, controversies (the ones you can see and those you just can't) between friends.

Was a little lost lately.
Not just a lil, I think, I've reached the stage where I'm just plain LOST.

My friends could not drag me out of the maze that I've gone astray in.
But still, I cherish those who have shouted out for me.
And I know,
they are in this maze with me,
heading the same direction -
to our desires.

The only difference -
we're on separate paths.

To free us from the expectations of others,
to give us back to ourselves--
there lies the great,
singular power of self-respect.

the confessions of the passionate one.

I'd rather be perasan.

get it wrong.
get it wrong.
get it wrong.

Mr. or Mrs. Smart

I really cannot stand it why my school song has to be so so so slow and dull.

The tune can really make you fall asleep and it is so time-consuming. Ugghh..

There I was singing the boring song this morning, with repeated chorus on and on.

The stupid insects keep bugging me. The best part, I CAN'T move, cause the discipline teacher is just behind me.

Darn !

We really should thank the smart guy or lady who has done SUCH a GREAT job in composing this lovely song...

Blek..

-_- '''

explanations, please...!!!!

many questions aroused in my head these few days.

I wonder why people would worship other's blogs, i.e. xiaxue & dawn yang. ohh. I 'forgot' that I read'em too. :P Kenny Sia's blog is exceptional. He is in fact something else.

Oh well, I'm not top rated blogger or never even close to. I'm still overjoyed that there are friends of mine who are looking forward to my blogs. *hugs and kisses*

I'm actually forbidden to use the computer. No, should be, I do not allow myself from using it. Besides, my mama would start her : " You still have 3 months and blablabla there goes my mood to blog and chat."

p/s : Everyone's asleep now actually, except my sis. Hopefully, she would not blab this to my parents.

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Okay,
I always question my parents for naming me a little somewhat unusual.

Just in case you don't know my full name. I'm YONG JULIA.
Through my walks of life, countless humans ask me the question.. "Is that all?"
For sakes, it's my name, why wouldn't I know my full name.
Sometimes, I really get sick of humans asking this, esp. teachers who just seem not trust that I know my own name. Ugghh..

I used to grumble and complain to my parents all the time.
But then, at least, I have a name that people can remember easily.

That's only my english cum malay name.
I haven't even start nitpick to them about my 'yet another easy to remember' chinese name.

Oh brother, who wouldn't? My chinese name, supposing would be as nice. Turns out to be pronounced very awkwardly and amusing.

In case you don't know again, my chinese name is written as
杨茱雅 .
So nicely written.
If you can't read it properly, just call me Julia, k?

Oh well, I am stuck with this name for the rest of my life. Not that it is a bad thing. Just that, I am still trying to make myself accept the fact that my name is pretty.

Good dyei, my writings aren't that bad. Are they?

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Enough about my name.

My friends likes to tease me. Saying that I have this sickness called 恋弟症 (translation : affection for younger generations syndrome).

Oh well, since almost the whole class knows, I might as well just come clean.
I do find younger guys cuter and more appealing.
It's not my fault, it runs in the family. (how bad, blaming the family, again.)

I don't suppose that I have that syndrome, I would say that I just have more interest in guys that are younger. blek... ;P

p/s : There's nothing wrong with it... eerrr... I guess...

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All right, enough for now.
I need my beauty rest.. Oh PEELLEEAASE...
p/s: it's the not-so-pretty ones who needs em ,k!...
kekkekeeke..

I'm kinda going out of my mind lately. Oh well, couldn't be bothered.

Many of my friends appear to be down in the dumps.
This, on the other hand, bothers me. and I mean ALOT.

All of us are concerned about our time to come in life.

Stay cool, chill out, don't fret.

There is surely a future hope for you.
Proverbs 23:18

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.

so,
Love life and have fun.