Collapse...!!!

My other friend had a major emotion breakdown. She cried and cried and couldn't stop. I suppose, if somebody would have wept so miserable, the thing that is disturbing is definitely something very hard to cope with.

I thought about my friend's condition.
Everyone has troubles that they could not verbalize.

A friend of mine wrote something about me saying that I'm always happy and cannot see any grief and sorrow in me.

I do not show my sadness in front of my friends.
Why?
Because they are not the source of my distress.

Sometimes, I may wonder, why are there so many unfortunate people, but yet, they are so happy for what they have.
I am finally understanding this, the people who had gone thru more sufferings and heart breakings, would find happiness in every little thing.

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain.

testing the impatient one

I am 17 years, 1 month & 18 days old.

It's superb to be 17. Not too mature, not too childish.
The worst part is, I still have not learnt to be patient.

My family has been telling me to be patient in whatever I do since I was very young.
I'm slowly realizing that I'm really extremely impatient.

My level of tolerant is really really low.
I get really irritated and pissed off whenever I'm doing something that is time-consuming.
I thought back, maybe others get cheesed off by me being that impatient as well.

Everyone likes somebody who is peaceful and serene. For me, I figured that it might take me a long time to be less anxious about everything. I will make a change.

As for the busy days that we've gone thru and the hectic days that we'll soon go thru, let us just try to stay cool. This is only a 'trial', preparing us to live life.

We are always afraid to start something that we want to make very good, true and serious.

We all get really frustrated at times because of too many things that we're responsible of comes, all at one time.

Dear friends of mine, including :

• All form 5 students working hard for SPM
• All SMKPj's prefects who did what they could but still got scolding
• All Chinese Society Members (pj & sg) that has the desire and will to make the 'Lantern Night' a success
• 'President Fan' that has been in a trauma these pass months and will still be under lot of pressure in the future
• My buddy who always listen to whatever crap I say and still gives response
• Humans on earth

A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement.

We can't accomplish anything in this world alone ...
I thank God for I have each and every one of you.

Bigheaded Us. (or it's just me)

Read two of my important friend's blog that made me thinking.

Whenever we accidentally did something wrong, or perhaps it is just a small matter, it will be easy for us to apologize.

Whenever we did something that we know we're wrong and we know it's our fault, the word 'sorry' will seem to have been erased from our dictionaries.

Humans are weird things.

I did many things that were very wrong but have never express regret before, especially to the closest people in life.

When I had a fight with my friend ages ago.
I never felt that it was such a big deal.
I had no idea that the problems started from me.
For, it was just me being me.
But, when someone is hurt, by someone who's just being themselves,
I guess, it means there is a little problem with 'themselves'.

I don't remember whether I made an apology to my friend.
This made me realized something,
I may not have said 'sorry',
but I have never repeated the same thing that hurt my friend ever since.
(or did I?)

As for my other friend, no worries, we all know you mean no harm.

Until we learn whichever life lesson we're meant to at the time -- self-acceptance, self-determination, self-forgiveness, self-interest, self-knowledge, self-respect, self-sufficiency, or self-worth -- our lesson will keep coming back to us.

Everything happens for a reason.
The reason -- so we may grow.

Can We Talk ?

24 hours a day.

I spend 10 hours with my friends - talking & playing around.
I spend less than an hour with my parents - having dinner.
I spend less than 15 minutes with my sister - she just walks thru the living room a few times.
I spend 24 hours with myself - scolding me for being such a brat.

I like to talk. But my communication with human on earth has been going down. WAY down.

Everyone says, family is the most important thing. I agree.

I used to live in a home that is very noisy. We are always talking and asking.
Before, I live in a home that is still very noisy. We argue almost every night.
Now, I live in a home, a home that is too quiet. We never talk.

My grandma tells me not to be mad (because I never talk to anyone).
I'm not angry, I just have nothing to say.

I've got nothing to say, because, no one listens.
And they have nothing to tell me as well.

Being able to quarrel and fight, is a hundred times better, than not being able to converse with each other.

Not communicating, is a million times better than realizing, everyone's disappearing.

Appreciation. Lifes' greatest lesson.

My Unheard of School

I have been studying in my sec school for almost 5 years. This is my last year in this unknown school of mine and I am glad to say that I am finally loving and proud of my school.

Since Form1, I've been somehow uneasy when whoever asks me which school I come from. Many don't even know that this school have existed for almost 40 years.

Many of my schoolmates are embarrass to tell others about our school. There are some of my friends who always compare our school with others.

Of course, I used to be like that too.

This is the final year and I have finally realized and learnt something.

If we are forever going to compare our school with other schools that have higher standards, we are forever going to be at the lowest ranking.

I guess what we're suppose to do is NOT to compare and criticize. But to put in some effort, in helping our school to get at least a little more well-known.

I do admit that our school ain't that good. But there is still hope.
Just try to accept the fact that you're from this school.

" We are not as good as others. If we keep comparing, we will NEVER be as good as any of them."

By the way,
if you are curious which school I'm from.

I'm from SMK Puterijaya.
If you don't know.
It's fine.

My school may be unheard of to some of you, this school may be worth very little.
To me, it is priceless, for this place is where I've learnt to be somebody.

Hopes ---> Disappointments

Many people that I know have very high hopes. Either it is in an exam or competition or anything that they do.

I am somebody who knows my limit and standards and I know what I want. I do not work very hard to achieve something that is not what I really want.

My parents are forever hoping that I can get flying colours in my major exams. Sad to say, I've never got it. From UPSR to PMR and now-SPM, I've never wanted straight As (that my parents have been longing for).

A malay close friend or mine told me a story that happened before our PMR. All of us were chit chatting about our targets. Most of them said like : 6As, 7As, 8As. My friend told me what I said : I have no targets. -_-'''

I started to think quite alot about this. It's not like I don't care about my education. It is just that, school, results, exams has never even been in the ''TOP 10 list of most important'' in Yong Julia's life. I guess its' ranking is 13..?! *hehe*

Education is indeed important. Malaysian Exams that requires only memorizing, so-not.

Sometimes, it is good to have high hopes and dreams. We've just got to learn to accept and face the disappointments that comes with. (that's a pretty hard task)

There were friends who told me that they have never seen me turn sad or angry because my grades are terrible.
My answer : simple. I understand this --->> You get what you give.

I guess that I will still continue not to have high hopes in my exams. But, one things for sure, I'd try my best and not let my parents down for this is the last major exam for me.

Best wishes to all.

Parents ? Hmmn.

It's Father's Day today. My mom went shopping this morning. She came back, tossing a F.O.S plastic bag with men's socks in it. She asked me to wrap it before my dad's here. Of course, I did what she said.

My mom paid for the socks and it is actually a gift to my dad from ME.
During Mother's Day, my dad paid for the flowers that 'WE' bought for my mom.

I wonder why they'd do that. I find that there's no problem if I do not give anything to my dad or mom on whatever day. It doesn't seem to have a point (to me). It's not like I don't love my parents or what-so-ever. It's just that, I don't have enough money to use for myself. The stuffs that I get for them is not necessary.

Parents ..? I read a few of my friend's blogs. About the pressure and stress that parents give on their children that cause us to suffer.

I have a friend who once told me that my parents were very successful for they brought up two not exactly smart girls but unique in every way. I don't know what is considered 'successful'. But, I know, my parents had sure did what they could by doing nothing much.

My parents are different in everyway that made me feel like having parents who are normal and same like every other parent (like most of my friend's parents are like).

When I'm with my friends, they would say :
my mom is gonna scold me.
my parents wont allow me to go out.
my dad says no.
they're gonna nag nag & nag.

I would join in and say :
Yala. my mom too.
They wont allow.
bla bla.

I wouldn't understand at times. Why would I say that. Because they won't be like that.

I grew up with my parents. While others, were brought up by their parents.
They see me fall & they will keep looking at me, until I would know how to pick myself up.

I don't always like what my parents do. But they are always the best.
I, now, fully understood. And I'd never want them to be like others anymore.

They just taught me to be a better person, by teaching me to teach myself.
They did everything by doing nothing.

a 15 year old girl.

I have a friend who's 15. I guess she have the ability to 'turn' herself into a person that is ANY age.

She can be very cute and childish like a 3 year old girl. She can be matured (thinking) like a 25 year old. Sometimes, she can turn herself into an old auntie. (wicked laughs).

All I can say, she's indeed a nice person to meet.


Check out :
fifteen turning to sixteen

Right? Wrong?

I used to be pretty okay with one of my school teacher. Most of my classmates & schoolmates don't really like her. At first, I didn't realize anything bout 'her' yet.. ( you guys know who lah). Since F5, I really have gone through the 'suffering' moments that almost half of the class had experienced.

'She' likes to nag alot. She'll say the same thing over and over again. It is as if we're some dumb 5 year old kid who does not know anything. She likes to interrupt others conversation. When some people is talking, she'd just jump in and start talking (stuffs that are NOTHING related). There are also times that she like to 'shoot' people in a sarcastic way. I was never taught to be rude to anyone, especially adults.

Well, I have been a little rude to her. I feel sorry at times, but she is really really A PAIN...!!!
My pity ears have been the victim for such long time. I could not stand her nagging nagging (to her it's 'reminding'), me & re acted as if we didn't hear her calling and continue discussing. PLEASE lah, logical thinking, the both of us aren't talking crap or gossips. We're trying to settle the presentation stuffs and she just can't seems to SEE it. Speaking of SEEing, it is as if she had eyes that lie. She saw the 'life group' still in the progress and trying to figure out some actions. She'd still want to ask : Can I see your presentation now?... I was darn pissed off, so, my mouth said a loud : CANNOT... with a pretty rude tone. Inside me, I was like : damn man, cant you see we're still not freakin ready..!!!

I thought about this for quite some time. I told myself since (don't know when) that I will not be rude or raise my voice with her. I feel sad that I have done this.

I'd really want to treat her better. She is not that bad. But, once she starts her 'reminding'. I just could not stand.... ARHHH.... Frankly speaking, about 90% of the class haven't been nice to her. I guess, I've gotta be patient. (who knows, one day, I might be able to fish!)

For nearly 13 years of studying, I did some bad stuffs to 4 teachers. I would really want to apologize to them, but my ego just couldn't let my mouth say the magical words. I guess they will never know, but, I am truly sorry for what I have done to 'her' and another 3 'her's. I will try not to let those happen again.

Teachers will forgive their students. (i suppose)

dreadfully & awfully boring

Two weeks have passed by. Tomorrow will be the end of our mid-term school holiday. And the beginning of our tough and suffering experience.

I've been feeling pretty guilty. All I did during this holiday were mainly 'couching potato'. Sitting in front of the idiot box and its brother until middle of the night. Waking up the next day about noon..

Well, I did do SOME interesting stuffs :

1. Went to Teluk Intan, Perak with 15 of my classmates.
2. Visited a so-called airplane show in TUDM. The best part is : I went there with a bunch of kinder garden kids under 5 and a bunch of mothers. How Great !
3. Went for karaoke with RE. A huge room for the 2 of us. Thank good gracious we did not have to pay for 3. (you know what I mean : neway is a little creepy)
4. Watched a korean movie ( Almost Love ) with CY and CY mom and my aunt. Hmmn. Only one word to describe the situation : ODD.
5. I did finish ONE homework. (It's considered as REALLY good)
   

There is still 6 months to spm. SIX months seems very loooong to me. I guess, I still have plenty of time to study for 12 subjects.

Dreadful, awful and boring stage has come. I will try not to fall asleep once I open the revision book.

Even if I'm not studying, I'll try to do some things that are worthwhile.

You too.

Transformation of a Ms. to a Mrs.

number 1,

NOT ME...!!!!

31 MAY,

My form teacher got married.
We are suppose to call her PUAN when school starts, how weird !
We, of course, as lovely students, were invited to the wedding ceremony in Perak & the wedding dinner back in KL. 16 of us went to Teluk Intan on the 31st of May.
Boy oh boy, what an adventure. Our bus left Puduraya at 10am & reach TI around 1+.
We sure did had a super hard time to get to our hotel. We had NO IDEA where we were.
The people in TI stared at us, it is as if we are alien or some unknown creature.
Well, the people in TI are pretty good, we asked some aunties how to get to Hotel Angsoka.
We got many answers. There were many uncles who were sitting in front of Fajar who came to us and gave us directions. There were also uncles in motorcycles who told us not to walk there. Oh well, the Chinese proverbs is really right, BU TING LAO REN YAN, CHI KUI ZHAI YAN QIAN , ( he who doesn't listen to the old people's advise, will get into trouble or somewhat ).
We had to walk 15 - 20 minutes (almost around 1 - 2 km) under the hot sun, with our luggage and bags.
OHh gosh!
The worst part is, we were like blind men, just guessing our way to the place.
Alright, we arrived, had a little problem with the rooms. I was in a 8 person room. Like all economical hotels, the room does stinks, have dead stuffs around and the bathroom looks as if someone committed suicide there. EEEWWWW..
By 3, we were all settled, but extremely hungry. We walk out from the hotel again, for food.
We went food hunting, but there were nothing! No food courts, no restaurant, only fast food!!! We were so desperate, we HAD to eat KFC for our lunch and dinner (that was around 5pm). Stuffs went on as usual, still people looked at us like we're ETs.
We walked back to the hotel at night. TI is a pretty safe and peaceful.

1st JUNE,

My teacher's wedding. All of us have not been to a Indian wedding ceremony before, it was a little long and boring. Many rituals, really traditional. One thing, it was damn hot. Suffering ! We were in a huge man made oven.
We went back to home sweet home Kuala Lumpur at 2.

Interesting Facts,

1. There are RM2.00 noodles available in Perak. In KL, we cant even get a bowl of Wanton Mee with RM3.00
2. The people (in Perak) like to 'honk' at us. (wonder why), maybe it's like a 'HI! Welcome!'
3. hmmn. Can't think of any others.

Oh Well,
a very indeed interesting and independent trip to Teluk Intan.

Cheers to all.